Monday, June 25, 2007

Baby I love you (but leave me the fuck alone)

Man. Slither is a great film. Really phenomenal, and Im not being sarcastic. Nathan Fallion is a dreamboat- and I really want to see Waitress because it has both HIM and Jeremy Sisto involved. Hawt.
Farah and I have watched four movies today. So basically, all day movie-thon.Started with Evan Almighty: my god why did I even bother, there was nothing in that movie that was even as remotely as funny as Carrell's cameo in Bruce Almighty, unless you count the fat kid from Knocked Up and Superbad. But really, when you actually have to wish to yourself that Wanda Sykes has more screen time in a film.....wait is Wanda Sykes gay? She looks like she could pack a boxed lunch. Ha, I got that euphemism from Slither, obviously a superior flick to anything that's come out recently, if only for their choice music during the montage sequence- I have to admit I spend a lot of time thinking about what ironic music I would put my horror movie montage sequence to- the perfect example is Queen in Shawn of the Dead. I have narrowed my personal choices down to Dont Stop Believing (maybe a bit too obvious now because of the Soprano's finale), Jack and Diane, really any ballad with a good guitar solo to have jump-cuts and quick edits to is perfect- but I NEVER, in a billion years, could have pulled Air Supply's "Your Every Woman in the World (to me)" out of my ass. I really couldn't. So yes, Slither is genius. Evan Almighty sucked. Sorry for that. Moving on.....
I dragged Farah into 1408 because I really just liked the preview with Samuel L. Jackson as the concierge ("I TOLD you not to go into room 1408!!!!" and it wasnt even in the final movie so dont bother) and the joke my sister made about what do you call a big mac in 1408.....anyway. That movie also sucked ass. Horribly. From its fake cop-out ending that lasted a good ten to fifteen minutes longer than it should have to Cusak's bloated face yelling "im stuck in a Kafka-esque room!!!!"...the whole thing was just terrible. Don't bother.
At the movie places we were trying to decide which horror movies to get: I was torn between Dark City, Cabin Fever, The Descent, and Slither. Vetoed out the middle two (even though they were the ones I have seen less recently) because they were too scary/gross/neurosis-inducing. Honestly, I didn't want to have Farah being as phobic of water as she is of milk- then she would die and it would be all my (and Eli Roth's) fault. And The Descent is just fucking terrifying. Like, not even fun-scary. That movie starts out with a horrible gruesome opening and spends the next forty minutes ascending (ha!) like a rickety roller coaster before that scene where they are trying to crawl through the hole that's too tight. Its so fucking claustrophobic and scary that honestly the monster aspect is almost a side-thought, clocking in at like, what? 3/4th of the way into the movie?
Dark City, once again, was excellent and I am totally going to spearhead a campaign to have everyone freaking out about Rufus Sewell. He literally looks like my perfect man:

Yes hellooooo Mr. Tall Dark and Cheekbones! What? What's that you say? You want to whisk me away to your gorgeous set-designed 1950's boudoir while staring at me with those bored, somewhat cruel but mostly disinterested eyes of yours? Yes please!
....In an unrelated note, I think I will be the perfect candidate for ex-wife. Not to a specific person, I'd just really pull through on those last five-to-ten years where you are just in it for the kids.
Just saying.

No comments: