Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Sometimes the poor boho life doesn't seem so appealing

When you are super-broke and jobless.
I didn't get the lingerie job. FUCKITY FUCK! They strung me along forever too.
I did get a call today from a temp group that needed me to go work at a fashion shoot today,but while I was on my way there they called and cancelled. Fuckity fuck.
Then I went to ANOTHER placement group that said they could get me in on this American Express campaign as a junior consultant and worked with me on my resume and said "they'd call me" which means "I will sit in my bed curled up with my dog crying until I get a job." Seriously. What. The. Fuck.
About to be a hooker. For super cereal.
Found a box of pills at goodbye blue monday. Would take them but they look like vitamins. Its gotten cold out.
God Im so depressed. ANd I even have my fucking Zoloft. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK. I can't even think straight anymore.
Here are the things I know:
1. I have lost interest in any people in my life. I might be a robot with a pitch black heart but honestly, no one makes me laugh anymore.
2. I just want to sleep forever.
3. I miss college.
4. This must be the come-down from the awesome summer.
5. Sometimes I play old messages from B. Taylor because I love her.
And some musings:
People treat love like ipods. You broke it? Buy a new one! Ran out of battery? Why fix it? THere's a better model right around the corner! Its so sad. I mean, there is something to be said for moving on, but maybe it s just our generation, maybe its immaturity, but we seriously believe that love is something that happens or doesn't, and if its broken then we can find it somewhere else. I want to believe love is everlasting, like the love for your dog or your parents or your friends. Once you are done with a lover you are not allowed to love them anymore. I think that is very sad and I wish that I could seperate the part of me that still wants to be held by James from the part of me that hurt him just because I could.

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