There is a new way to combat bacne without a prescription!

SUICIDE.


And in other news, I have bronchitis. Or the plague. Or something that makes my lungs hurt and crave a bottle of liquid codeine more than usual. I am so tempted to go to a doctor and shell out big bucks to get legitimate pain medication because....OW! Also, it'd be fun to mix it with cocacola and have a cherry coke syrup sipping party! As it is, I will have to wait till my fake-grandma comes with painkillers tomorrow. Fake grandma is way better than real grandma, because she doesn't have wimp-ass Ultracets that she tries to frame me for. Plus, fake grandma has both eyes.

So Gillian is no longer working at the store, but never fear! Her doppleganger, Jen, started yesterday. I asked Steve about the hiring process (because literally everyone wants a job there) and he said something along the lines of "well, I thought it just worked out that a girl with dark black hair quit and then two hours later a girl with dark black hair came in looking for a job." No comment, except that out of all the people in New York, of COURSE the one girl we hire is Avi's best childhood buddy and the reason I met him in the first place, because she came in to play a show once and he was there. Small world. Too small of a world. I am pretty sure my job is stable as long as no one with mousy brown hair comes snooping around.
Liz sent me photos of commencement today. My favorite is the one where I am trying to lick James and he is desperately trying to claw his way out of my grasp because he has that weird thing with spit and spit-related byproducts:


In other news, I am pissed that I work on the 17th floor and all these Hasids clog up the elevator going to second. So I've started coughing really obnoxiously when they are in the elevator. Because Jews hate germs. Except for me, because some germs get me painkillers. Also, I might be passive-aggressive, like my ex who called this morning and left a message saying "oh my god...I just heard....should I get tested too?!" which is a thinly veiled ploy to get me to call him and it worked but only because i wanted to tell him and dumb trying to con me into an STD scare was. Im pretty sure if I had like, AIDS, Ben Hartman would not be the first person to find out about it. Unless he gave it to me, in which case I would rip off his legions with a rusty tweezer.
I am so bright and chirpy today! Must be the thought of this glorious double shift I have going, which serves as a reminder that its been a whole week since the illness started and I cant even imagine how many people I've spread it to by now. Whee! Fun! Suicide!