Jordan gave me a polaroid of David Lynch that he somehow aquired. It's now my prized posession. I love my bar, I love my friends, I love having a job that involves watchnig cartoons with a bunch of people, reading and assessing comic books, and having early morning sunday conversations with Peter, Sebastion, Steve, and whoever else wanders in with food from Snack Town. Sunday mornings are my favorite part of the store. Everyone talks about films for hours, its like going to the best school in the world, you learn so much about shit you care about.
That being said, I have this terrible fear, that's been creeping up lately. I have a fear that this joke about oberlin kids taking over the store will become a reality. I'm afraid that the store will turn into another Feve, another Black River, another place where you go to see those kids you always see and make snarky comments and have cliques and and and.....ah.
It kind of all culminated in this break-down panic attack last night, that was no one's fault except my crazy brain.
It's just that Goodbye Blue Monday isn't just the place I chill, not just the place I work, not just the place I live above, its basically my whole life. Like, I rarely go out and party in Manhatten, and when I do I usually just wish I was back at my store. The vibe is so chill, there's always interesting music, the people are so great. Im terrified that Im going to start having those "oh god, i cant be here!" vibes that I used to get freshman year when my craziness convinced me that a whole group of sophmore chicks were out to get me, just cuz they didn't like me. Yea yea, me egotism is to such an extent that people can't merely DISLIKE me, they must HATE me with all their being. They must be consumed with the desire to ruin my life.
Cuz the other alternative? Even worse. That they live there lives without even a thought of how its going to relate to mine. Not like, they don't care. It just doesn't even enter their consciousness. See? To me, that's worse, because at least in the other scenario I'm validated in my rage, instead of completely pathetic.
I just wish I could have left Oberlin behind with my email address. But even that's not true; I love oberlin. I have so much oberlin pride that a lot of my sentances begin, "well at MY college" as in "well at MY college, I didnt even know there was such a thing as guy's rugby until I went to visit Swarthmore. Because the lesbian gestapo are like, the most feared sports team on campus."
I fell asleep at Matt's while watching Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe and woke up super late because apparently I kept yelling "JUST FIVE MORE MINUTES" even when no one was trying to wake me up. Tonight I swear to god I will do laundry, deposit my paycheck, get some fucking medication for my uti (+period= SUPER FUNKY HAPPY DREW OH GOD SOMEONE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY)
In other news, today at work we spent twenty minutes trying to find out what time it was in greenwich. In military time. WIth all our clocks here being three hours early as is. It was like monkeys poking at a computer. They totally want me for next week, which is sad cuz no longer stay at oberlin, but good because....yay! turning into a real job!!!
In the past ten minutes both Ivy and Ricardo have called and a) I hate the phone b) Im at work c) oh god I have to go pee quick!