Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Oh no lucy, you at it again!

Man, my life IS a fucking joke.
Why are people crawling out of the woodwork to all visit at times that are going to collide with me EVER getting ass?
No, that's not true. Sort of true. Really, the only thing keeping me from getting laid are my own elembishlments (or "flat out lies") and my engagement. Well, I guess we can consolidate it into one category. But jeez, can we just take a step back here and wonder where all the bitches be at? Eliza doesn't count, because of archaic state laws that state that if least ONE of us has a 'stash and the other- enough back hair to qualify for steroid testing, than its LEGAL.
Sorry, I got like.....no sleep last night. Despite the fact that I was utterly exhausted at 9 pm. Instead I stayed up all night and read a book Dwight lent me that was sort of about an American Jack the Ripper, called "The Alienist". Damn, that book was like five hundred pages and I read it ALL last night.
Then I spent today at work licking SIX HUNDRED FUCKING STAMPS. I am not joking. Isn't that how Costanza's fiancee bit it? Shit man, that was dumb. It led to a hallucination-filled rant to Barnes that involved some sort of dream logic wherein his friendship had to be proven by buying me curtains at Home Depot. Instead, I'm pretty sure he proved it by staying on the line and letting me hang up on him in a huff.Only to call back several hours later after the residue trails had subsided and invited him to the show tommorow, which is bound to rock. It's this guy called, get this, Rasp Wasp. CHECK IT OUT ON MYSPACE. It's not to be missed. I can't even tell if this dude's serious. He's awesome.
Also, Brian Kaplow is going to be here tommorow. And Matt should show up, which means I can ask him when H. Jon is going to show this weekend, which will probably determine whether Ben Musher comes to town or not, he called me today to hint not subtly at all about the idea. I have yet to decide whether this is an awesome idea or a terrible one. Or both? I WOULD sort of like to gloat but interactions with Ben usually seem like a good idea and end up with me channeling Claw....."I'll get you next time Gadget!!" Aw, I'll decide this when the stamp fumes finally go away and the tongue paper-cuts heal.
Im serious about tommorow's show. It's going to be a hoot. If you are in New York, you MUST attend. I doubt you'll regret it.
Man, I forgot how much I love cable, even though I never watch it here. Once in awhile something catches my eye and the next thing you know I'm totally surfing through Clueless, Bring It On, Law and Order (SVU AND Sam Waterson versions), and Man in the Iron Mask. This was all consolation prizes to the fact that House M.D. wasn't on. Also I called Liz and Eliza both approximately 30 times tonight. I cant get enough of female bonding, even if its over the phone.

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