Long Live the Drew Flesh!

Gimmie Dem Puppies, or, Happy Birthday!

2009-05-25T23:45:00.001-07:00

This dude at Hipster Beach (aka McCarren Park) was selling like, 20 Shitzu puppies today. It was my birthday. I deserved a dog. Alas, it was not to be, as I am too poor to feed myself, let alone sustain another human being. But at least now I have something to strive for?

PS- I feel OLD.

Holler back internet

2009-05-23T01:46:00.000-07:00

I guess the reason I haven't been posting on here that much recently is that now that I am a VIB (very important blogger) the standards have been raised as to what caliber of new york socialite celebrity gossip I can write about. Blee bloo blah. But then I remembered this is MY blog and I can write whatever I want, and post whatever videos I want of whatever kind of cats being adorable in a variety of scenarios.

Which is to say, I'm back, but I can't think of anything worthwhile to write about at 5 am on Saturday morning that I haven't already updated my Twitter about.

Spoiler Alert??

2009-04-23T21:53:00.000-07:00

What the FUCK Mr. Garrity?!?

Give Me Money

2009-04-23T14:41:00.000-07:00

Hey, do you think I'm clever? Good at writing? I make jokes good? So do some other people! Unfortunately, none of those people are super rich or in a position to help me out. Times are getting desperate, so I want you to give me money. It's easy! Just go to Paypal and send some funds to saradrewgrant@gmail.com. Depending on how much money you send, and what kind of funny thing you want me to write for you, I will send you back your own personal piece of writing that one day could be worth up to one zillion space dollars. We good? Awesome. Remember: Paypal. Thanks guys.

Jason Segel and Paul Rudd lose their grip on everything

2009-04-20T20:03:00.001-07:00

Greg Daniels, You Son of a Bitch

2009-04-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago I brought back the amazing Paul Simon/Chevy Chase video for "You Can Call Me Al." And then they referenced it on The Office this week? Fuuuuuck that.

Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al
by manon42

Frank's Blingee

2009-04-12T15:19:00.000-07:00

Make custom Glitter Graphics

Me and My Dad Insert Zombies Into Famous Novels

2009-04-08T16:32:00.000-07:00

Dad: Here's my entry.
A screaming comes across the sky. The evacuation has begun but it is all theater. Because everyone is a Zombie.
Gravity's Zombie

me: ah
haha
a slow, shambling evacuation has begun.
Okay i got one
In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I've been turning over in my mind ever since.
"Whenever you feel like criticizing any one," he told me, "just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had. Also, they will eat you."

Dad: Why do you drink ? Because I am thirsty
Zombified
Why don't you drink ? Because I am a Zombie

Me: "I left in a French steamer, and she called in every blamed port they have out there, for, as far as I could see, the sole purpose of landing soldiers and custom-house officers. I watched the coast. Watching a coast as it slips by the ship is like thinking about an enigma. There it is before you-- smiling, frowning, inviting, grand, mean, insipid, or savage, and always hungry. Hungry for brains.

me: Someone must have slandered Josef K., for one morning, without having done anything truly wrong, his brains were eaten.
my friend just did that

Dad: Good night room
Good night moon
Grood bye brains

Me: 'When Gregor Samsa woke up one morning from unsettling dreams, he found himself changed in his bed into a monstrous vermin. 'Graaaaah,' said Samsa, 'argggghhh.'

Dad: nope. Can't tell if he is a zombie or a pirate

Me:It was the best of times and it was the worst of times. But not for Zombies. They're pretty much oblivious to that sort of thing.

Dad: Now, tonight, Zombify the Haggadah.
Why is this night different from all other nights. On all other nights we eat all manner of food but tonight we only eat brains.

This is the most amazing

2009-04-05T18:30:00.000-07:00

I want this pillow so bad

2009-04-02T22:45:00.000-07:00

Writing Exercises

2009-03-26T16:45:00.000-07:00

I need to do more creative writing, so I came up with some exercises for myself:

1. Think about someone you truly despise. This should optimally be someone you know in real life, not, for example, Hitler. Now create an imaginary monologue of what they're thinking when they run into you at a party.

2. Write down a list of your favorite movies and/or TV shows. Then write down some stories involving characters meeting and doing something together. That's called fanfiction. Congratulations, loser.

3. Write a humorous anecdote from your real life experience. Did you ever read any David Sedaris? Write like him...be funny! But not so much like him that people will figure out you're cribbing sections from Me Talk Pretty One Day. But try to write like, that book, but with your own stories about meth, performance art and being the gay brother of the chick from Strangers with Candy.

4. Send a letter to yourself, from the point of view of a disappointed family member.

5. Close your eyes and imagine stuff. Then write about it. This is not the same as your dream journal, although hell if anyone else can tell the difference/cares.

6. Create a character that you've known since high school. Have a pretend chat online with them. Then create a profile for them and become Facebook friends. Have them leave you lots of flirtatious messages. After a week or so, move your status so it says you guys are in a relationship. Create narrative tension by promising real friends that you'll bring your new boyfriend around to their next party.

Sometimes you feel like Matt Berry, sometimes you're the dog

2009-02-21T22:04:00.000-08:00

What up what up what up

2009-02-12T10:48:00.000-08:00

Street Boners and TV Carnage and shit.

Objectum-Sexuals

2009-02-08T17:04:00.000-08:00

"Look," she said, "no hard feelings. I just don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm done with all this fake chit-chat."

He didn't say anything. Because he was the Golden Gate Bridge.

Still, she thought, this has probably been the easiest relationship she's ever had. And she would definitely miss the sex.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," she said, rubbing his beams tenderly, "let's pretend I never brought it up."

Watch Married To The Eiffel Tower [Part 1] in Entertainment Videos | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

Mark's Life is Confusing

2009-01-21T22:01:00.001-08:00

Weird pictures I have on my hard drive

2009-01-03T14:46:00.000-08:00

Creepiest Video Ever?

2009-01-02T14:54:00.001-08:00

My new favorite videos

2008-12-04T20:13:00.000-08:00

Charlie Broker is the best:

Ronald is also the best:

Best thing that ever happened

2008-11-27T15:10:00.001-08:00

Is Nathan Fillion this generation's Jean Paul Belmondo?

2008-11-23T02:57:00.000-08:00

Nope.

But they are/were both extremely attractive men. And yo, Belmondo is still alive, though he looks like this.

New York, New York

2008-11-19T13:41:00.000-08:00

John Turturro:

Salman Rushdie:

John Slattery from Mad Men:

Paul Rudd:

Jeremy Sisto:

Mario Lopez:

God I love Gabe and Jenny

2008-11-02T08:55:00.000-08:00

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

I just like pulling the lever!

Oh god I thought I made this cartoon up when I was little:

2008-10-27T14:43:00.001-07:00

Happy Halloween soon!

2008-10-26T07:38:00.000-07:00

I FEEL GREAT@

2008-10-13T21:13:00.000-07:00

Babbies everywhere@ So many good commercials you guys!

Also:

Also:

Also why I don't drink anymore:

The Ben Schwartz Interview

2008-10-11T09:27:00.000-07:00

I interviewed Ben Schwartz, the hottest Jewish comedian since Gene Wilder or Sarah Silverman or somebody else. I did it for Chief Magazine, but also just to meet Ben, who I've been online stalking forevs.

He stars in College Humor's High Times and my dad even thinks he's p. funny, even though they have never met.

ANYWAY: What's up, here is the interview link again, Ben is Jewish, here's his website Rejected Jokes, the end.

Coach Maguirk Naked With My Friend Ricky

2008-10-10T12:26:00.000-07:00

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

Hey guys, that's Ricky at the end! Butt-naked! I like his glasses. I also like Jon Benjamin a lot. I like the sound of his voice. One time Jon Benjamin and I took a picture but I ended up looking gnarly so I won't post it here.

Yo America:

2008-10-09T14:19:00.000-07:00

Psycho Therapy

2008-09-23T11:41:00.001-07:00

Best idea for a sitcom ever

2008-09-19T08:45:00.001-07:00

Javier Bardem, Brad Garrett, David Schwimmer in: 3 Guyz (that look alike)

Les Misbarack

2008-09-16T07:12:00.000-07:00

If you ever wondered what kind of person I am, it is the kind that watches this video and freaks the FUCK OUT:

Hilarious Stuff at JibJab | Animated Cartoons at JibJab | Political Satire at JibJab

Your Friends and Neighbors

2008-09-14T09:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday before I went to Starbucks and met an author and had an amazing conversation, I was in Borders and thought "What does someone my age with my sensibilities need to own on DVD?"

Because you can watch so many movies online right, so why even bother buying? To own empty DVD cases to line your wall in an attempt to look cultured?

I already own only movie posters, nothing else.

I ended up with Your Friends and Neighbors and Sex, Lies, and Videotape. Whoops, that defines me as a person.

Also, what is this?

I am exhausted too

2008-09-13T22:18:00.000-07:00

Also, RIP David Foster Wallace. God he was amazing.

Craiggers in a film

2008-09-02T16:33:00.001-07:00

Is it a music video? A St. Ides commercial?

Do you care?

My new favorite artist

2008-08-24T11:46:00.001-07:00

Harland Miller:

Adult Swim Update: OMG TWIN PEAKS

2008-08-23T13:49:00.000-07:00

Ray Wise aka LELAND PALMER is on Tim and Eric. Watch it here.

Pig Pen

2008-08-23T10:50:00.000-07:00

Much like that dinosaur mural in the city, pigs have a place on buildings as well:

This guy had a pet pig! It was really ugly/cute. At first I thought "Jesus what a hideous dog":

Working at Jossip has been super-intense but really good. If I don't update this site as much as I did, just hop on over to my new job to see what else I've been doing. Oink Oink indeed.

Tim and Eric's Awesome Interns

2008-08-15T16:11:00.001-07:00

I know 2nd adult swim post but:

Why do Tim and Eric need so many interns? Do they just need a bunch of college kids around to bounce things off of? "Hey guys listen, would it be funnier if this guy makes a weird noise while staring intently at the camera for twenty seconds or three and a half minutes?"

Labyrinth parody makes "Fat Guy Stuck in the Internet" watchable

2008-08-11T06:44:00.001-07:00

OMG you guys, Boogie Baby Boogie!
Matt Besser is the shit.

Madonna's Brother's blog

2008-08-07T14:44:00.001-07:00

Right here. Although the best post is titled My Sister and omg, I just need to post an excerpt of this:

Johnny gives me that enticing look again and answers, “Actually, he could stay.” He smiles at both Madonna and I, who are at first fascinated at the thought of a threesome until the fact that we are brother and sister hits us. When Madonna informs Johnny that I’m her brother, he answers, “You guys don’t have to touch each other.” Johnny then proceeds to take off his pants and then his underwear. After our eyes glue to Johnny’s huge snake, Madonna and I look at each other in amazement. I immediately rush over to it as my mouth waters.

“Sorry,” Madonna says and pushes me away. She then gulps Johnny’s snake like it’s some type of watermelon. Johnny sits down on a chair and I feel a little bit left out until he informs me to take off my clothes. I feel uncomfortable getting naked in front of my sister, but Madonna is so preoccupied that she barely notices.

“Come here!” Johnny says and I walk towards him. Johnny then proceeds to suck my snake like it’s a watermelon and both of us are moaning in harmony. At least it’s more harmonious than Madonna’s singing throughout the day.

Haha, what is with these snakes/watermelon references?!?!

Goodbye Cake!

2008-08-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

Ricky bought me an ice-cream cake for my last day at 236. Isn't he sweet:

God the Onion Videos are brills

2008-08-06T07:52:00.000-07:00

The Beijing Olympics: Are They A Trap?

Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelet' From Recipe That Came To Him In A Dream

I am King of the nerds

2008-08-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

Which is why I can't stop talking about the musical blog by Joss Whedon. Anyone not seen it yet? Here:

In order to pry myself away from it, I read this lifehacker article on Felicia Day and whoops....she's the chick from The Guild, which is def. one of the best web-series. And here are the episodes:

And to complete my stalkering (word? Not word!) for the day, here is NPH on Sesame Street this season as the shoe fairy, of all fucking things.

Things Jared is good at (part two)

2008-08-01T09:33:00.000-07:00

Nick and Nora trailer, which J. Gold just happened to do props for:

See that "Homies Forever" poster? My boo made that shit.

It's weird when people are good at things but they don't talk about it

2008-07-30T11:49:00.000-07:00

Right?
Jared made this picture yesterday for the apartment:

That's cool dude. You painted that. You would think that after a year of dating someone I would know if they were like, better than Jackson Pollack (he sucked and he used stupid colors) but apparently not.

This is probably how Maggie Gyllenhaal felt at the end of the "Batman Begins" when she realized she was being played by Katie Holmes.

Haha, I like to reference topical stuff.

CNN.com has amazing tickers this morning

2008-07-28T06:51:00.000-07:00

Important stories circled in red for easy access (click to englarge):

NYT readers were all nerds in grade school

2008-07-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

Surprising? No. But the fact remains that this article on bullying and suicide rates for children has prompted some of the most outrageous responses ever. Check out some of the commenting gems:

Good.
That’s all I have to say about that. If I ever learned that some horrible end befell either of the two bullies who tormented me every single day in junior high, I would twirl and laugh and leap and dance and sing. I hope they were miserable, I hope they are miserable, and I hope their lives turned out badly. They deserve it.
— Posted by Kate

As a victim of bullies myself, hearing that some bullies are suicidal is music to my ears.
— Posted by Andrew in Phoenix

I am now 38 years old, and I would just like to say to Frank G., the bully who tortured me from age 10 to age 15: I HOPE YOU KILL YOURSELF AND I WILL SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE.
— Posted by Herbert

Haha, weird. Get over it. Time to go back to your tormentors and offer to become frenemies. But seriously people, save it for your memoirs/therapy sessions/blogs. You're making the NYT look bad, and I hear if you piss them off, David Brooks will come over and give you a swirly.

That "From Hell" illustrator has a new comic out

2008-07-24T17:58:00.000-07:00

Fuck Yeah. NY Mag has the scoop (don't call it that) of the new graphic novel (please don't call it that) from the visionary/illusionist (SPACE) illustrator/writer Eddie Campbell. Yo that sentence is over now and we can move on. It's called The Amazing Remarkable Monsieur Leotard and it looks like a cross between "From Hell" and some drawings that Wes Anderson would feature prominently in his new film.

Out in August, y'all.

Get Your War On!

2008-07-24T10:01:00.000-07:00

David Rees went to my college (duh, he's a liberal comic guy) and now he's doing a series for 236 w/ John Glaser, where "Get Your War On" gets the rotoscope treatement (last seen in "A Scanner Darkly" and those insurance commercials on NBC.com).

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

2008-07-22T10:30:00.000-07:00

In college my friend Pujha taught a class on Bollywood films, but I never went because I thought it would be too kitschy and the films themselves were too long to sustain my ironic intentions (sequel to Valmont, btw). But this new Devandra Banhart video makes me wish I had remembered sooner that I love anything that even remotely resembles a musical, because I am a lametard who owns a decoupaged "Rent" desk back in Delaware.

GraphJams

2008-07-20T14:42:00.000-07:00

are my jam:
Relative frequency of plot devices in The Princess Bride, as perceived by Fred Savage-

Dopplehaters- a place for frenemies

2008-07-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

So Alli and I have started a blog about media stories and how much we passive-aggressively (and just plain aggressively) hate each other.

It's called Dopplehaters and most of my media news is going to happen over there, while Videodrew is going to be more of a calling card of videos and writing that is or(or not... I'm pretty lazy).
Here though, is the new Radiohead song "House of Cards," which was shot with lasers and allows viewer manipulation.
It takes awhile to load, but check it out
here.

Cats hate terrorism too. Coincidence?

2008-07-14T10:05:00.000-07:00

Blurgh. I hate posting cat videos.

So I will also post a little bit o' creative writing that I did this weekend, entitled "Chuck Palahniuk gives relationship advice":
-----

Dear Chuck P,

My question is, how do I contain my jealousy over my fiancée sleeping with another dude, even though I know its fair and reasonable and totally within the bounds of our pre-determined agreement?
-Cuckold in Minnesota

Dear Cim,
To distract yourself from an accident, focus on small details. Like how true love can blow just as surely as your Harley's front tire. Too much air, too much build-up, too many late night phone conversations and clandestine meetings in corporate bathrooms and any small amount of applied pressure can make it blow up in your face.
For your information, I was wearing a helmet when I hit the curb. A Shoei RF-1000, yeah yeah, not the prettiest thing to look at, but it meets the Snell Foundations M2000 safety standard. This standard surpasses those set by DOT (U.S. Department of Transportation), ANSI (American National Standards Institute), ASTM (American Society of Testing Materials) and the US Consumer Products Safety Commission. In other words, helmets meeting the Snell standard are about as good as you can get safety-wise.
Still, there is nothing short of God that can protect you when you fly at 120 mph face-first into pavement. Not even Love can save you from having a piece of high-end plastic go through your cornea and embed itself deep within your skull.
Don't worry, Phineas Cage survived, so will you.

As consolation, think: You'll never love someone else as much as you love yourself, even if you don't.
Think: Longevity can only happen when you start with low expectations.
Think: The real tragedy of Romeo and Juliet is if they had lived long enough to get fat and bored with each other.
---------
Dear Chuck P
My boyfriend is way too clingy. I tell him I want to start seeing other people, and suddenly I catch him skulking outside my apartment at five am, taking pictures of the guys that come out. How do I tell him that if he keeps up the behavior, I'm going to have to cut him out of my life entirely, without him getting even more psycho on me?
- Scared of my Ex

Dear SomE,
The mango tree is in the sumac family, with poison ivy as a relative. If the little green plant makes you itch, your body will sense the oleoresin from the mango skin and will make it looks like you have herpes symplex A. Bananas are related to birch trees which can cause an oral allergy that includes itching and swelling in the mouth or throat within one hour after ingestion, which can be fatal if the reaction is bad enough. Birch allergies should also avoid apples, pears, cherries, plums and kiwis. Avacodos, bananas and papaya contain substances called chitinases that are cross-associated with latex allergies.
Just because you think you know what makes you itch doesn't prevent you from getting blind-sighted while eating a fruit salad.
Just like: Some affairs can cause symptoms that will last for years.

Just like: Your reactions will only grow exponentially with each interaction.

Just like: Self-knowledge will avail you nothing at all when it comes to the things you love.

--
Dear Chuck P
I have real troubles meeting guys. It's not that I'm particularly shy, just sort of what some people might call a "brainiac". How do I find the one right for me?
-Always in Jeapordy

Dear AJ,

What they don't tell you in home ec is the best way to clean the smell of vomit from a leather car's interior is with saddle soap. The best way to get the smell of defecation out of your heirloom rug is with an animal spray called "Nature's Miracle" which uses natural instead of synthetic enzymes to eliminate bacteria, viruses and fungi including canine parvovirus, canine distemper virus, feline leukemia virus, bordetella bronchiseptical (kennel cough) and trichophyton mentagrophytes (ringworm). Oh, it also covers the odor of defecation left by dogs or cats or very scared adult men looking the wrong way down the barrel of a semi-automatic.
If there is one thing that you learn from years of cleaning up other's people's shit is that it never works to try masking a smell. Who wants to smell fake-roses on top of cat urine? Love is the same way.

Same as: Not being able to hide the stink of desperation with Chanel No. 5

Same as: Only being able to stick around as long you know that you're more pathetic than they are.

Same as: Hiding your fear of long-term commitment with promises of longer terms.

Hope this helps.

The View from our new place:

2008-07-11T13:12:00.000-07:00

Two amazing things that make me question my devotion to Sparkle Motion

2008-07-10T12:53:00.000-07:00

Haha, that joke is from senior year, spring break. SPRING BREAK.

Guys, is it weird that this video from Boing Boing makes me want to be both Steampunk AND a subscriber to Second Life? I've become everything I've ever loathed, you guys:

Here is the website of that particular community, check it out if you want. I won't because I'm too frightened that I'll end buying some aviator goggles and end up smelling like desperation. Neil Gaiman will have to come put me out of my misery.

Also watch this video from Eugene's comedy special at least three times a day. I do:

The thing I like about this video is I keep getting older, but they stay the same age

2008-07-09T11:19:00.000-07:00

Three Matthew McConaugheys and A Babyfunny videosFunnyOrDie.com

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Wait, isn't one of those brothers the guy from Cabin Fever? Not Rider Strong, but this guy? I am the best at this sort of stuff. If there was a job for people being able to sort of recognize tertiary characters from B-movies, I would get an AAAA plus.

PANCAKES!

"I did not come here to make friends" is the new blog

2008-07-07T20:54:00.000-07:00

You guys are not my friends because I'm not here to make friends I'm here to win!
I think it would be funny to go into an AA meeting and say that.

As for the email list that will (still!) not die because people are retarded and press "reply: all" to say things like "stop replying all guys!"......you guys are definitely not my friends. I came here to win at the internet and by god I am not going home tonight!

Mattie versus Drew

2008-07-06T10:20:00.000-07:00

So as all of your probably know by now, Mattie Clark sent out an email last night from my account that said I was really bad at signing off people's computers when I was done. He also said I didn't ask his permission to use his computer, which is complete b.s. He was just too wasted to remember that I asked and he was all like "blurgh blargh sure!" Also he is taking illegal narcotic drugs that impaired his faculties to such an extent that instead of making a hi-larious joke of sending emails to some of my friends, he sent the message to literally ANYONE I've EVER emailed.
Like
- friends of my parents (sort of funny)
-Exes of my exes (not funny)
-Prospective employers (oh my god please god no)

I guess i could have retailiated and changed his facebook account status that he left open on my computer, but that would be childish. Instead, here's my favorite photo of Mattie so you can look into the face of the devil:

PS- I bought Batman tickets for midnight on Thurs. Who's coming with me? I have one extra ticket for the first reply.

konichiwa bitches

2008-07-05T15:41:00.000-07:00

found this awhile ago via sister, but still makes me feel better allll day:

Fourth was not too bad of a shitshow, though it rained and everyone at Mattie's was on acid so that was weird. Boyfriend and I spent the day on a double date with Rachel.niceeyes and Bill. Korean BBQ in Billyburg, and later after the fireworks we watched Training Day.

Reading Paul Auster, not the newest one but "Travels in the Scriptorium". Returning to good form, Auster. After "New York Trilogy" things sort of went down hill (you know what? Fuck "Brooklyn Follies") and its a nice return to form even though Auster's form is all about people with no names or memories being trapped in rooms. Like my favorite movie of all time, yo.

Man I miss LSD

2008-07-02T13:54:00.000-07:00

Via Videogum:

Shit, I could make this show. Just give me some glue, fabric, buttons, and for the love of god don't stop here this is bat(ter) country!

Daily Affirmations now can be reduced to this one video:

2008-07-01T20:11:00.000-07:00

Well sure, when you get the original cast of Tommy/Godspell/Jesus Christ Supershmuck to raise a lion, it's going to be a feel-good afternoon. But still......awwww!

And one day we will die and our ashes will fly

2008-06-28T15:33:00.000-07:00

I'm on a comic kick lately....I bought Charles Burns' Black Hole (apparently David Fincher is directing an adaptation??) and Clowes' "Like a Velvet Glove Cast in Iron" (my favorite comic of all time). I've read them both before but it's the type of thing where you need to own them, I think. Eventually I went to get a Daniel Clowes' sleeve done, but that's way in the future. Thinking of comics though because I had to get a cover-up on my airplane/GBM tattoo, since I let some drunk chick I met on a subway convince me to go to her studio and get these ghetto blue trail lines drawn off of them about two months ago.
They were gross looking. I don't even have a picture of them since I didn't like them.
So I went to my buddy Nick at Flyrite (who did the mermaid tv-face) with the idea of clouds and an eventual comic book theme for a sleeve, and he came up with this panel art that looks AWESOME (though I am the worst at pictures):

Tonight I am stoked to go see My Winnipeg at IFC and then go to Chief Magazine/Bodega space downstairs to hear Boyfriends/Titus Andronicus. Look at the Chief Mag site next week for my interview with comedian and fart-joker, Bobby Tisdale.

Neave is the real robot chicken

2008-06-24T10:33:00.001-07:00

Click here and dont stop clicking till Brooklyn I've been rendered totally irrelevant, you guys. Television without context, boooo.

LOLcat bible

2008-06-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

Someone has too much time on their hands.

At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

Amazing people!

Where's Waldo (Shitshow Edition)

2008-06-22T09:34:00.000-07:00

Mermaid Parade, ugh. Sorry guys, I am not a big "crowd" person. I'm not a big "burlesque" person- I totally think it's a cool thing in and of itself, but much like Steampunk and contact juggling, the neatness of the execution is immediately canceled out by the people it attracts. I am sort of a Coney Island person, in that I like quadriplegics that sell heroin out of their Mr. Softy truck, and I love freakshows and I like the idea that rockabilly has someplace to die.
But honestly, trying to find someone at the Mermaid parade is like looking for straw in a hypodermic needlestack. The people I managed to find instead were:
1. Bill and Rachel, who saw me get off the train and recognized me from the back because of my tattoo.
2. This chick Minna from high school.
3. California Jason
4. Some friends of an ex of an ex- which unfortunately, due to logistical error, doesn't make them friends of mine.
5. A homeless guy from Elizabeth street who told me to tie my shoes on Friday. Yeah, I am queen of the Hoborazzi, motherfuckers. He recognized me because of my tattoo. Then he took a picture of it. Didn't ask me for money, just wanted to let me know that..... I dunno, out of all the mean white girls in New York, my leg piece makes me stand out, I guess.
6. Ryan
7. Omar
8. Finally, FINALLY was able to find Jared. Did I mention that cell phone service doesn't work when a billion drunk people are trying to call each other within a two mile radius in CI? It was like a really festive 9/11.

So, Mermaid Parade. Shitshow, yeah? I spent the entire time trying to find some excuse for leaving. It was only after the 20th person stopped and told me I had great leg art that I realized the complete irony of the situation. In case you've forgotten what it looks like, I direct you here.
Delicious.

I got on Gawker today

2008-06-20T12:40:00.001-07:00

Because of John McCain's former hotness.

I will give eleven dollars to the cause of this movie being made

2008-06-20T09:14:00.000-07:00

It looks like No Country for Malkovich, which is totes fine by me. That man needs to be in everything, ever.

Like best song of the year so far

2008-06-17T12:05:00.000-07:00

From the made-up group "Brighton Port Authority" that's really a bunch of people like Fatboy Slim, Iggy Pop, David Byrne, Dizzee Rascal, Martha Wainwright and Ashley Beedle.

I am a bad child

2008-06-11T11:53:00.000-07:00

Because I watched this video and went "Hmmm, fattie makes some good points there"

Rabbit-BEST!!

2008-06-07T10:36:00.000-07:00

AtomFilms.com: Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | Comedy Central

My dick my dick my dick

2008-05-30T13:31:00.000-07:00

So we tried our hand at this format. Here are the results:
Farah:
My dick ablaze, all a-fiery
Your dick sucks like Nanny Diary
my dick fat like president taft
your dick punk like daft
my pussy is witty, pretty, itty bitty
your pussy can fit sex and the entire city
my vag flash like Micromedia
your vag needed to look that up on Wikipedia
my dick Marvels
your dick is DC
my dick is apple
yours is PC

Rajiv:
My vag: sweet like Tastycake
Your vag: looks like cheesesteak
My dick, is the cock of the walk
Your dick, looks like Matlock

Sam A:
My dick is clever like Enrico Fermi
yours is three inches, but only barely
My dick is wide like the Nile in spring
your dick could fit in a midget's wedding ring

Max:
my dick: killed all the dinos
your dick: confused for a wino's
My dick: cold like George Gervin
your dick: more like a dead person's

Emily:
My vag: is 24 carats
Your vag: smells like ferrets
My vag: is a number one hit
Your vag: like the Sarlacc Pit
My vag: could beat up Spiderman
Your vag: needs to take its vitamins
My vag: drives expensive cars
Your vag: like Roseanne Barr's
My vag: has won a thousand bar fights
Your vag: so big it has stalactites
My vag: wears Prada suits
Your vag: wears last year's Ugg boots
My vag: more gold than Brunei
Your vag: was written by James Frey

Chrispie:
you think you'll score cunt with that ding you call dong?
make way, curious george, cause here comes king kong!

Dave:
My dick gets bitches high like cocain,
your dick collapses like NYC crane
my dick's the don like Jon Gotti,
your dick small and bald like Rudy Guiliani
ME:
Your pussy is radioactive like Fallout Boy
My pussy is batman- Where'd it get all those wonderful toys?
My dick makes all the girls smiley
you dick bends right like Bill O'Reilly
my vag: gets all the ladie-z
your vag: got less hygeine than an Applebees.
My Dick: girls call "ice-cold"
Your dick: just fell for a rick-roll

Best? Vote here!

Oh Also

2008-05-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

New Tattoo

Enter the Videodrome

(that's my leg, btw)

I wish I was being ironic

2008-05-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

when I said I loved this song:

Haha, I love how it slows it down so you can hear all the stupid lyrics:
Life's got to always be messing with me.
Can't they chill and let me be free?

I believe Korn's original title for this piece was called "I hate you dad: remix"

This of course, led to Ricky sending me this little memo:

SCATMAN'S LAND what
me: did he say the people in scatland speak in Scatish?
because that is incredible
ricky: yes, he did
"just give yourself a hug and love yourself, love yourself."
ricky:"the society of scatland is composed of very loving, caring people who have never even heard of political corruption, class distinction, war, AND ALL THE OTHER STUFF that goes on in the land of earth people"
me: there is still AIDS though

Ninja Attack Friday Roundup

2008-05-23T12:50:00.000-07:00

I have two pieces up this week before my birthday:
My Ghostbuster Thing in black20
Everything Bad is Gooder for You
Look for my interview with Bobby Tisdale in the next issue of Chief Magazine.

Remember?

2008-05-19T19:07:00.000-07:00

Remember the real-life Cube show, Solitary?

Well I found all the episodes on Hulu. Enjoy

Paul Rudd is my boyfriend

2008-05-15T12:05:00.000-07:00

Found via Videogum:

His moves are so smooth, it almost makes me forget how bad "The Shape of Things" was. Seriously you guys. And I don't mean bad like "ooh, Neil Labute is a mormon and makes movies about emotional Pwnage....he's so bad" but like "Oh so this is 'In the Company of Men' except with a stupid metaphor about artistic integrity? Bullshit"bad. Sooooo bad.
But Paul Rudd is great, as always, in everything ever.

Unconventional ways to trap a bear

2008-05-13T10:23:00.000-07:00

From here.

Oh what like you thought I'd ever really get over this?

this is a blues riff in B watch for the changes and try to keep up

2008-05-11T10:28:00.000-07:00

Dear Chuck Berry,
You are an asshole. You stole that white boy's song. Shame on you.
Sincerely,
Drew

DON'T STEAL THIS SONG, CHUCK BERRY

How to be a better Drew Grant

2008-05-10T21:26:00.000-07:00

My grandma is a perfect example of what I aspire to be. When no one pays attention to her, she starts freaking out that there are worms in the food.Ha Ha that is so awesome. I need to get better at diversions like this so I can constantly be the center of attention. Goddamnit I keep guessing what is going to happen next in Silent Hill and its so annoying because I am so goddamn RIGHT.

I'm a hit with anyone born before the Roosevelt administration

2008-05-07T10:04:00.000-07:00

Just got this facebook message asking if I was Rose Rhode's grand-daughter (I am). So I get this reply:
Diana Ferris wrote:

"kewl. we read your blog together. im her internet source, both blogs personal and professional. good job on both.ok if i add you to my friends. hope so. diana. we also drink together hehe. im the resident bartender because im one of the few that can still pour in a straight line.thats a senior joke. cya."

That is so awesome I don't even know what. Hey ladiez, do you know about Senator Mike Gravel? He's like the world's sexiest grandpa.

PIZZAZZ PIZZAZZ

2008-04-30T10:31:00.000-07:00

Christmas on Mars

2008-04-29T11:35:00.000-07:00

Via Videogum

haha what. That DOES look like Guy Maddin/early Aronofsky/Erasehead. Also sort of reminds me of CQ.

How come i never heard about this?

Ricky sent this to me

2008-04-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

Sooooo good!

I'm fucking famous

2008-04-28T09:02:00.000-07:00

This is totally going to be answer to Ninjasonik's "Internet (bitch)":

COME ON FUCK A GUY!

2008-04-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

What

2008-04-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, but this SA thread about dollfuckers is absolutely incredible. Starts out with a guy and his RealDoll, then you turn over the rock and find furries, disabled girlfriends, lawsuits for atypical sociopaths and inflatable lawyers.

Also, it led me to this video, which is making my life right now:

Oh! So yeah! Pictures! Of Five Pointz and Sam and I at vagina central- PS1!

Batman and the girl wonder

2008-04-18T13:02:00.000-07:00

God its nice out. This guy on Prince street was selling inked portraits of superheroes, including the female Robin from Frank Miller's DKR.

Here are pictures I took of my new piece of art:

RAPED IN THE BUTT!

2008-04-18T09:57:00.001-07:00

Sister Busted By Brother - Watch more free videos

Murakami at the Brooklyn Museum

2008-04-12T20:20:00.001-07:00

sa-weet! My mom was in town today so Jared and I hung out with her at the Botanical gardens (free before noon!) where I correctly predicted that the food court would consist of eight dollar fucking hot dogs. Well, no, they didn't fuck dollars but you know. Still, Botanical gardens are totally sweet this time of year and someone was having a wedding there which made me loudly comment how much cooler MY botanical garden wedding was going to be.
Well, it will.

Then, next door at the Brooklyn Museum (now featuring: most pointless outdoor catwalk ever) we saw the Takashi Murakami except. That's not the same guy who wrote "Wind-Up Bird Chronicles" which makes me feel better because for a little while I was worried that Murakami guy did all the Japanese media I was exposed to. Like, for me Japan is just this one dude doing sculptures of naked chicks turning into fighter jets while writing a magical realism novel.
Fortunately, it turns out I am a fan of TWO people from japan. Besides the people who make hentai, natch.
OK!
I sneaked some pictures of the exhibit so you can see the awesomeness of it. Also, forgive how weird my boobs look in the picture. My bra doesn't provide any support.
Mom and I in front of entrance sculpture:

Mom and me in front of sculpture part deux:

CRAZY ROOM:

A portion of the acid trip:

oldie but goodie

2008-04-10T21:08:00.000-07:00

And what looks like it could be the next Pan's Labyrinth:

From the new doc "Young @ Heart"

2008-04-10T09:25:00.001-07:00

My new kicks

2008-04-07T13:01:00.000-07:00

oh noers

2008-04-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

Kenneeeeeeth!

2008-04-04T12:28:00.001-07:00

.....the fuck?

2008-03-27T09:37:00.001-07:00

Elizabeth Banks set to play Laura Bush opposite Josh Brolin as George W. in upcoming Oliver Stone biopic.

Over the Hill

2008-03-26T10:21:00.000-07:00

More videos from the "Over the Hills" channel at Heavy.com

A couple shots of my favorite place

2008-03-25T14:04:00.001-07:00

LOVING IT!

2008-03-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

Movie Title fuck-ups

2008-03-23T15:00:00.000-07:00

From the SA thread: People who work in movie stores/theaters and the worst garbling of titles that people ask for:

I once dated a guy who looked like Craig Bierko

2008-03-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

I want to rub soap into John Malkovich's cranium. It'd be rad. Then I'd like to go to a gothic ball accompanied by Hugh Laurie and ditch him for Malkovich, much like Annie Lennox did.